Gondolas are overflowing with celebs in Venice today as Amal ‘my surname sounds like a contraceptive’ Alamuddin prepares to achieve the impossible: getting George ‘never banged anyone older than himself’ Clooney down the aisle. Good luck gal!
Clooney’s feet are no doubt currently colder than Hilary Clinton’s heart.
Many of the world’s hottest babes have tried to drag big George into a church, but all have royally failed. From Kelly Preston to Renee Zelleweger, Clooney has broken almost as many hearts as he has hymens.
Clam hopes that the pre-nup is tighter than Miley’s pants, we all know that Georgie boy gets bored pretty damn quick.
Stars including Cindy Crawford, Rande Gerber, Matt Damon, Steve Lukather, Ellen Barkin and Anna Wintour have all already been spotted in Venice today for the wedding of the year.
The odds of Clooney actually making it down the aisle are variable. Alamuddin certainly seems to have captured his heart, but he is yet to bang Britney Spears. Or either of the Olsen twins.
We wish the happy couple all the best and thank them in advance for giving us plenty of content in the coming year – divorce rumours will begin pretty much from when his ring slides onto her finger. Every pun intended.
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