Wow, it’s happened… We didn’t think we could love Charlie ‘hookers on toast’ Sheen any more than we already do but, hell, slap my clam, the bad ass has just gone and blasted our affections into hyperdrive.
King Charles has issued Ashton ‘funny as cancer’ Kutcher with one heck of a cockbender of a threat.
Check out his awesome declaration on Twitter below (click to enlarge):
Predictably, our boy Charlie is a little upset – the highest paid job in television is still going to the man whose on-screen performances are probably responsible for putting Michael Schumacher into a coma.
The two actors have been fighting a delicious war of words since Kutcher replaced Sheen in ‘Two And A Half Men’.
Sheen may have looked more fucked than a Kardashian on the show but at least he could act. Kutcher has the performance skills of a wooden vibrator. Watching him on the show is like having your eyeballs poked with Justin Bieber’s little baby weener.
Sheen was spurned into action by Kutcher’s appearance on the Jimmy Kimmel Live show. Kutcher spoke to camera and told Charlie boy to ‘shut the f**k up’. Such blasphemy was bound to leave Kutcher facing a mighty wrath from our favourite mentalist.
Threatening to put AK on hospital food for a year is our kind of gift. Nil by mouth. Strawberry milkshakes piped into his arse. That will teach the leggy ballbag to make some of the worst films in history AND break Demi ‘menopause’ Moore’s battered old heart.
While King Charlie will win the war, one has to concede that this battle may have gone to Kutcher. The new series of ‘Two And A Half Men’ is about to air and the publicity stirred by this fight could help keep it at the top of the ratings – and sack of tits Kutcher coining in the big bucks.
Please, Mr Sheen, hurry up and arrange your revenge. We want to visit Ashton in hospital and tug at his pubes until he weeps.